Article
I’m the Problem, It’s Me
God has an end in mind (Philippians 1:6), but still, we’re a work in progress; we’re not finished. In these bodies, in this place, and at this time, we’re fellow strugglers.
Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” from the 2022 Midnights album is a self-reflective track dealing honestly with her insecurities, quirks, foibles, imperfections, and flaws—seeing herself as her own worst enemy. It’s catchy and light-hearted (and I apologize if you’re singing it for the rest of the day), but it’s real. And, in many ways, of course, she’s right. But it’s not just her song, it’s—if we’re brutally honest—a song for all of us.
When speaking to struggling planters in the Wise Church Planting project, their self-reflection in many ways matched with Taylor! They were, at least in part, the cause of their struggles. Of course, as Christians living in the ‘in-between’ in the ‘now and the not-yet,’ we should not be surprised. We’re not who we were, but we’re certainly not yet who we will be. God has an end in mind (Philippians 1:6), but still, we’re a work in progress; we’re not finished. In these bodies, in this place, and at this time, we’re fellow strugglers. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Various categories and strands of sin and suffering exist in the heart of the average church planter. Perhaps the ‘get-the-job-done, spinner-of-multiple-plates character’ has a darker side where projects and targets can trump how we actually treat actual people. Perhaps it’s seen in the outworking of pressure and stress that is dealt with in unhealthy ways. Perhaps we can even give people a free pass because they are (seemingly) so fruitful. Can competence trump character? Or maybe we can be overly ambitious because, if we’re honest, our identity is far too closely tied up with the plant’s success. What would I do if it all went wrong?
Short-term or Long-term Evidence
More often than not, the church planters quickly recognized and saw their own character issues—whether in prayerlessness, anger, micro-managing, overbearing posture, or simply a lack of love for their people. Within months, they could more clearly see the reality of their own hearts as the planting process brought their own struggles out into the open and into sharp focus, not just for themselves but for others to see.
However, sometimes the outworking of their challenges was delayed, and only evident a little way down the line. For example, the anxious ‘micro-manager’ might be fine for a time but would, in the longer term, be far more easily prone to burn-out because, when it came down to it, they wouldn’t be willing or able to delegate, as no one would do it ‘quite like they would.’ They would end up spinning more plates than they could handle, and so end up dropping them. Or the ‘independent-entrepreneurial-visionary’ would end up lonely because they would be so single-minded and focused that they would isolate themselves from others. And (as we thought about last time) we were never meant to be islands.
We Were Never Meant to be Sufficient
Of course, aside from an ability to write catchy songs and some gentle self-mocking, Taylor Swift doesn’t have much of an answer for what to do about her issues. The great news in the gospel is that God is not floored by our weaknesses or unable to deal with our sin. We’ve not caught Him by surprise. He’s not wringing His hands in Heaven. Indeed, sometimes, in His love, He deliberately leaves the thorn in (2 Corinthians 12:6–10) that we might know we’re not capable, but He is. That we might know that His grace is enough.
Read this quote from a struggling planter who shared their heart in this area.
I struggle with fear and anxiety. This has been the greatest blessing of church planting. Since coming to more clearly understand this about myself, I have come to understand better how God’s grace through Christ is sufficient for my profound weakness.
Did you spot that word blessing? What a perspective! Don’t miss it: the pain of planting had more clearly highlighted the dark depths of his fear and anxiety and brought him to see the beautiful and glorious heights of the cross. Our insufficiency shows Christ’s sufficiency. Planter, remember—this work is not about you. Look to Him.
Leaders Should be the Chief Repenters
As you grow in awareness of your sin, be quick to repent and reconcile with whoever needs it. Keep short accounts. Set the culture of the church and say sorry, apologize, and ask for forgiveness—and find yourself often at the cross, confess, and recall the great forgiveness you’ve received from God. He’ll never tire of showing you grace. Come close once again to the “Son of God, who loved [you] and gave himself for [you]” (Gal 2:20).
