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Relationship + Shared Mission = Unity
We don't have to agree on everything to walk together.
“So then, my dearly loved and longed for brothers and sisters, my joy and crown, in this manner stand firm in the Lord, dear friends. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life.” — Philippians 4:1–3
Churches are made up of people. That’s a good thing, but it can also make things complicated. Put people together long enough, and eventually somebody is going to disagree with somebody else. It happens in every church.
For church planters, pastors, and leaders, learning how to help people navigate those disagreements is part of the job. We can’t expect everyone we lead to see everything the same way. But we can help them learn how to disagree without allowing disagreement to become division. Without unity, a church can’t function the way God intends. When people stop walking together, the mission suffers.
Paul gives us a practical picture of this in Philippians 4.
Euodia and Syntyche were apparently having some kind of disagreement. We don’t know exactly what it was about, and Paul doesn’t seem interested in telling us. He doesn’t explain who was right or who started it. He certainly doesn’t give us enough information to pick a side.
I think that’s part of the lesson.
Paul isn’t trying to help us determine who won the argument. He’s trying to help them walk together. And I think there is a simple formula here worth remembering:
Relationship + Shared Mission = Unity
Start With the Relationship
Before Paul addresses the problem, notice how he describes these people. He calls them his “dearly loved and longed for brothers and sisters,” his “joy and crown,” and his “dear friends.” That’s a lot of relationship language before he ever gets to the disagreement.
These aren’t enemies. They’re family. They belong to one another because they belong to Jesus.
We sometimes think of fellowship as eating together, having coffee, or spending time together. Biblical fellowship goes deeper than that. We share life because we share Christ. We are partners in the gospel because we have been brought into the same family.
That matters when we disagree. I can disagree with you without deciding you’re my enemy. I can think you’re wrong without deciding you don’t belong.
The relationship has to be bigger than the disagreement.
Both Parties Hold Responsibility
This may be my favorite part of the passage. Paul says, “I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord.”
Did you catch that? He urges Euodia, and he urges Syntyche.
Paul doesn’t pick one woman and tell her what she needs to do while giving the other one a pass. He urges both. That’s a strong word to both of them.
And I think there is something important in the fact that Paul addresses them individually. He’s not simply saying, “You two need to work this out.” He’s calling on each of them personally to take responsibility for making reconciliation happen.
Euodia has a responsibility. Syntyche has a responsibility.
Paul doesn’t leave reconciliation sitting in the middle of the room waiting for the other person to make the first move. That’s often where we get stuck in conflict. “I’ll reconcile when they apologize.” Or, “I’m willing to make things right, but they’re the one who needs to change.”
Paul doesn’t give either woman that option.
I urge Euodia. I urge Syntyche.
Both have a responsibility to pursue unity.
And notice what Paul doesn’t do. He doesn’t choose a side. He doesn’t tell the church who is right. Instead, he calls both women to “agree in the Lord.”
Unity doesn’t mean everybody agrees about everything. There are things we absolutely must agree on. The gospel matters. Jesus matters. Truth matters. But there are plenty of things where faithful Christians can disagree.
Sometimes the disagreement isn’t the problem. What we do with the disagreement is the problem.
Take the Side of Reconciliation
Paul then says, “I also ask you, true partner, to help these women.”
He brings someone else into the situation, but notice the assignment. He doesn’t ask this person to decide who is right. He doesn’t ask him to take Euodia’s side or Syntyche’s side. He asks him to help them.
That gives us a good principle for dealing with conflict in the church:
Don’t take sides in the conflict. Take the side of reconciliation.
That’s not always easy. When people disagree, we want to hear the whole story. Then we want to decide who we think is right. Sometimes truth does need to be established. Sometimes someone really is wrong.
But even then, the goal isn’t to build a team around the person who is right. The goal is restoration.
Paul is strong enough to address the conflict without making one person the villain. He is willing to bring someone else into the situation, but that person is there to help, not to referee.
That’s good leadership.
Remember the Shared Mission
Paul also reminds us of something about these women that could easily be forgotten in the middle of their disagreement. They had “contended for the gospel at my side.”
They had a history together. They had served the gospel together. Whatever they were disagreeing about, it wasn’t the whole story. They had something bigger in common.
The gospel.
That’s the second part of the Formula. Relationship tells us who we are to one another. Shared mission reminds us why we’re walking together.
And that’s why the formula works:
Relationship + Shared Mission = Unity
We belong to one another, and we are going somewhere together.
If we have relationship without mission, eventually we may find ourselves going in different directions. If we have mission without relationship, we can become an organization where people simply work together.
But the church is different. We’re family, and we have a mission. We belong to Jesus, and we are here for the sake of the gospel. That’s koinonia.
We Don’t Have to Agree on Everything to Walk Together
Every church is going to have disagreements. That’s not necessarily a sign that something is wrong with the church. It just means that people are involved.
The goal isn’t to create a church where nobody disagrees. That’s not going to happen. The goal is to become a church where disagreement doesn’t automatically become division.
For church leaders, that means we can’t simply hope disagreements work themselves out. Sometimes we have to step into the middle and help people find their way back to one another. We may need to challenge both sides, but we don’t need to become another side.
We need to remember the relationship. We need to remember the mission. And sometimes we need to remind people that what they have in Christ is bigger than whatever they are fighting about.
That’s the formula:
Relationship + Shared Mission = Unity
