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Doubting Your Call in Down Times
“But what if it turns out that I’m just not called to do this?”
“But what if it turns out that I’m just not called to do this?”
The voice on the other end of the phone sounded concerned. Slightly exasperated. Mentally exhausted. The church plant was entering its third year, and although they had a wonderful pastor and his wife, a small community of devoted church members, and a middle school not far from the heart of the town, the numbers had hit a ceiling since the beginning of the year. Numbers have an annoying way of doing that in the world of church planting.
This man’s thoughts and reflections to me were honest and raw, the way thoughts and reflections should be. Maybe he didn’t have the gift of leading a church. Maybe he was meant to start the work, and somebody else was meant to sustain it. Maybe he didn’t want to be the person who stayed too long while his family continued to suffer the challenges that come from staying somewhere too long. Maybe.
Down times have a way of causing pastors to question their call. Interestingly, most pastors are fine leading churches that don’t experience rapid growth, land them on the cover of leadership magazines, or get them on a list of the 50 fastest-growing churches in America. Most pastors are just happy to see some small but tangible evidence of the Lord at work. A small helping of numerical growth is always nice, but a church with healthy leaders and spiritually maturing members? That’s the dream! But is it too much to ask? Certainly not, but there is also no guarantee that even these good things will be granted in a way that we can always see.
So what did I say to this brother on the other end of the phone? I can tell you this much—I prayed a lot as he was sharing his heart, and then I shared a few things that came to my heart. I’ll be grateful if this is helpful to you.
1. It is normal to feel this way
This can feel trite in the moment, but when we are doubting our call, there is a sense that nobody else could possibly feel this way. Doubt can propel us into an emotional desert, where we momentarily lose all wisdom and perspective. As someone who works with and cares for pastors full time, I’m not sure I’ve ever met one who hasn’t questioned their call during seasons of barrenness. Myself included. I think about Elijah, who retreated to the wilderness after his victory over the false prophets on Mt. Carmel, and how depleted and depressed he was, believing that he was the only person left in the world who was committed to the Lord. He had lost wisdom and perspective, and the Lord was sympathetic to that, which is why He had him eat, sleep, and rest his worn-out bones and mentally exhausted mind. It’s not just you, pastor. And the same Lord who ministered to Elijah is reaching down to you like a friend and a father. Look up and reach for his hand, because it is already extended to you.
2. Give it some time
Sometimes we are just having a bad day, or week, or month, or even year. When we see a lack of perceivable fruit in our ministries, it can feel like a downward trend that we will never emerge from. You know what? It might be. Leading a church is an organic, spirit-led process with innumerable factors involved that contribute to its health and vibrancy. Thankfully, the Lord is in control of all those factors, even when your church feels like a ship being tossed to and fro in the middle of a monsoon. Whatever the future holds for your ministry, there’s one thing you know and it’s that you don’t know. When we are in moments of uncertainty, wisdom calls us to give it some time. Observe what the Lord is doing, seek wise counsel, and wait like a farmer for the early and late rains. Waiting can make you crazy, but it can also make you wise if you wait with your eyes on the Lord. And wisely wonder what He’s up to.
3. Down times don’t reflect unfaithfulness
Well, I guess sometimes they do. Sometimes we can make a shipwreck of our lives. But for many of us, down times can create disorientation because we are, in fact, being faithful to Jesus, our family, and our congregations. In these times, it is helpful to be reminded that down times don’t reflect unfaithfulness, but the Lord uses them as another occasion to reflect His faithfulness to us. So we step back, we stop navel-gazing so much, and we reorient our gaze back to Jesus, the faithful Shepherd, who carries us through the shadow valleys. I’m 100 percent positive that there are things you need to repent of, but that doesn’t mean the Lord is punishing you and your ministry for being an imperfect pastor. It means that He may be bringing you down low so that your only option is to look up. So look up. And recount all of the wondrous things that the Lord has done and is doing at the church you serve. You know, that church where He is the Lead Pastor.
4. The Lord is pleased
When I think of some of the things I bring to the table as a pastor, these are a few that come to mind:
- I am not the greatest preacher.
- I am not the smartest person in the church.
- I am not always in the right place at the right time.
- I am not always aware of the next best thing that needs to be done.
I am not.
And somehow, the Lord is still pleased with me. After all, He called me to this place and to these people, fully aware of the down times I would find myself in, and fully present in all of them. There is nothing unaccounted for when it comes to me and my ministry. The one who controls all of my down times is the same one who said the word light and all the lamps of the world started miraculously glowing. He has me, even when His grip is less felt, and His heartbeat is less heard. Our doubts cannot deliver any harmful blows to the Lord.
So, take your doubts, beloved pastor, and bring them to your burden-bearing Savior, who has been carrying you all along the way. The down times are still His times.
The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, God (Psalm 51:17).
