Article
A Culture of Honesty in Your Church
What is honesty? On the surface, that’s a straightforward question with a straightforward answer.
What is honesty? On the surface, that’s a straightforward question with a straightforward answer. “Telling the truth.” “Not lying.”
But we all know, from relational experience–and maybe from watching too many legal dramas–that there is much more to it than that.
How much of the truth constitutes the truth? Who needs to know the truth? Who needs to know what parts of the truth?
If I don’t lie, but I conceal some truths, am I telling the truth?
What kind of language can I use to make this unpleasant reality sound a little bit better?
All these thoughts are calculating, seeking to present some version of reality that obscures some things and enhances others. They are seeking to walk a tightrope between dishonesty and transparency–avoiding lying, per se, but not revealing what is real. And this is how most people, mainly in their subconscious, navigate life. Because transparency–real honesty about what is really going on–is terrifying, it’s unsafe.
It’s terrifying because of sin–our own and others’. It’s terrifying because of what will be revealed if we are honest and how other sinners will respond to us. So we cloak ourselves in self-protection, just like our spiritual ancestors, Adam and Eve, did in feeble fig leaves. Our fig leaves are avoidance, obscuring, spinning, bluster, nuancing to death, or withdrawing–anything to not be seen in our spiritual nakedness.
We do this because we know what is in our own hearts. We tell ourselves:
It’s not safe to tell the truth. If people knew what was really inside me, what was really going on in my life, they would reject me so fast.
I can’t put that thought into words. It would ruin me. I’m the only one horrid enough to think that way.
I’ve kept this hidden for so long, I can’t even imagine what would happen if I actually revealed it.
If this is the case, if this is what pretty much every person brings into church, what does a culture of honesty look like? How do we even consider getting there?
Gospel + Safety + Time
[I borrowed this formula directly from Ray Ortlund, the founding pastor of Immanuel Church, where I serve. He exemplified, proclaimed, and explained this cultural reality beautifully, and I am deeply grateful for him.]
I called this a “formula,” but that verbiage gives me hives a little bit because it sounds like something we can make happen. In reality, it is expressed as a formula, but it is descriptive of relational realities and cultural essentials that we can invest in but come to life only through the work of the Holy Spirit.
Gospel
This seems obvious. Aren’t all churches supposed to be about the gospel of Jesus? Of course. But we are so prone to theologize about Jesus, without being humbly submitted to Jesus. And we are so prone to proclaim Jesus without being awestruck by him and grateful for him. We are so prone to expound on the words about Jesus without taking great joy in Jesus. And we are constantly tempted to assume Jesus instead of treating him as real, present, and constantly working.
When we assume Jesus, we diminish Jesus. We demote Him to a silent partner, the one who sort of empowers our lives without ever speaking into them. Or His presence in our lives dissolves altogether. When we assume Jesus, we cannot see Him as Ephesians 1 describes Him, the one who has all things under His feet and the one who “fills all in all.”
So when I say that a culture of honesty starts with the gospel, this is what I mean. We don’t see the gospel as just for the unsaved, but as the enlivening reality in which every believer lives. So a gospel culture never tires of proclaiming and rejoicing and participating in the marvelous, deep truths of our salvation by faith in Jesus Christ alone as our Justifier, our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Renewer. We add nothing to the work of Christ to make salvation possible. We earn nothing in the eyes of God because Jesus has earned everything on our behalf. So we never depart from the good news of Jesus. We never move beyond it. We never tire of it. It is the defining reality of a healthy church culture, one where honesty can thrive. And it creates an environment of safety for honest sinners.
Safety
Safety, in a healthy church culture, is very simply the exhibition of Christ’s love—the display of His mercy and gentleness toward sinners. This is decidedly different than the way “safety” is often used in broader culture, where “safe spaces” pose as inclusive and accepting but are actually aggressively condemning to anyone who disagrees or steps out of line. In a gospel context, safety is defined and exemplified as He dined with prostitutes and tax collectors, called deniers to feed His sheep, and called murderers to Himself on the Damascus road. Like Him, we do not shrug at sin and rebellion against God. And like Him, we respond to honest questioners with gentleness, clarity, and compassion. Because of all Jesus has done in and for us, we cultivate a context where sins can be made known in total honesty and handed over to Jesus.
And in this culture, the sinners who make them known are not berated, condemned, or isolated. Instead, we walk alongside them to Jesus for as long as it takes (or as long as they will let us). In a culture of safety, the sinner is always safe–uncondemned, never gossiped about, never demeaned or looked down upon. And the sinner’s sins are nailed to the cross where he bears them no more, so that he can be free to live for Jesus. And the only way this works is if we recognize (and rejoice in) the patience Christ has shown to us and share that patience with one another. We give them time, as God has given us time.
Time
We are constantly tempted to think that A) it is our job to change people and B) they should change on our time frame. We take on the responsibility of maneuvering their souls toward belief and repentance, and we demand that they believe and repent as soon as possible. We give lip service to the power of the Holy Spirit, but our hearts are far from Him in these moments. We have forgotten (or maybe never recognized) the methodical, invisible, patient work of the Spirit to bring us to life in Christ. And we’ve overlooked (or maybe never recognized) the methodical, seemingly slow, patient work of the Spirit to continue to grow and transform us.
In order for the work of Jesus to get way down deep and work in powerful ways in our churches, we must recognize, receive, and reflect Christ’s patience. Jesus is profoundly patient, “slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love” (Exodus 34:6). So how can we possibly reflect something different in our Christian community, in our churches?
We must give time to those in whom the Spirit is working, and we must trust–deeply and profoundly–the ongoing, sometimes invisible, work of the Holy Spirit. People don’t change quickly (I certainly do not), and the Holy Spirit rarely works on our preferred time frame. We cannot force change or put deadlines on transformation. Rather, we walk with people in the truth and love of the gospel of Jesus in confidence that the Spirit is dealing with them.
This means we make a place for weary and skeptical people to sit in the back row for months and test the waters to see if the work of Jesus is real. It means we make clear to hurting people that they are welcome to simply receive from the ministry while the Lord works in their lives. It means we don’t give up on the repentant struggler, the honest fighter against their sins. It means we answer questions and welcome wondering, trusting that the Spirit will shed light on the skeptic’s heart. By giving time to hurting people, struggling people, failing people we are proving the safety found in a healthy church culture. We are giving opportunities for them to overcome skepticism, fear, and guilt. We are, by the grace of God in our own lives, eroding barriers to true honesty little by little.
