Article

When Strategy Isn’t Enough: The Power of Relational Covenants

Ben Barfield

Until you build your team on relational covenants, not just responsibilities, you’ll keep trying to fix the wrong problem. 

I remember sitting in a staff meeting not long ago thinking something feels off. 

Nothing had gone wrong. Nobody was arguing; the agenda got covered, and on the surface, it looked like a good meeting. But it was quiet in a way that didn’t feel healthy. So, I asked a few questions. 

“Anything we could have done better this past Sunday?”
“Any ideas we should be thinking about moving forward?” 

Nothing. A few nods. A couple of “I think we’re good.” And then the meeting ended. 

Over time, I’ve learned those aren’t always the healthiest meetings. In fact, sometimes they’re the most dangerous. Not because of what happens in the room, but because of what happens after it. Conversations move to the hallway. Text threads pick up later that day. Thoughts that should have been shared in the room get shared somewhere else. It’s not chaos. It’s something quieter and might be more damaging. 

Have you ever been part of a meeting like that? 

When leaders feel that kind of tension, we often assume it’s a strategy problem. We think we need clearer vision, better systems … Those things matter, but they’re not always the root issue. It could be a relationship problem. 

Relationship Issues 

When trust is low, people don’t speak up. They hold back instead of leaning in, and you end up with agreement in the room but disagreement everywhere else. Over time, that wears a team down in ways no strategy can fix.  

Every team has a culture with expectations about how people interact and handle feedback, whether they’ve defined it or not. When those expectations aren’t clear, people start guessing, and when they’re unsure, they default to protecting themselves. Self-protection and unity don’t live in the same place.  

Most teams are built on job descriptions and org charts. Those are important, but they’re not enough. You don’t build a great team with structure alone; you build it with trust. At some point, every team must answer a deeper question: how are we going to relate to each other when things get hard? Because they will. Tension will come, disagreements will happen, and that’s not a sign that something is broken. It’s part of working with people. 

Relational Covenants 

Relational covenants bring clarity to those moments. They define how we handle tension, not just what we do but how we do it together. But what are they? 

In the book The 3 Covenants: Building Team Loyalty, we talk about three simple relational covenants that reflect something we see modeled in Scripture. When you look at David and Jonathan, you see them making relational covenants. In 1 Samuel 18:3, it says, “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.” Their relationship was marked by loyalty and intentional conversation, especially when things were difficult. 

What we see in their relationship is illustrated in these three covenants: 

1. I’ve got your back.

Jonathan consistently protected David, even when it cost him personally. He chose loyalty over convenience and refused to turn against him when it would have been easier. This kind of commitment says, I am for you, and I won’t participate in anything that tears you down. That is where trust begins. 

2. If things get weird, I’ll bring it up immediately.

David didn’t avoid tension. In 1 Samuel 20, he asked directly, “What have I done? What is my guilt?” He brought the issue into the open instead of letting it sit. Strong trust is built when people address what feels off instead of ignoring it. 

3. I will passionately debate, then fully own the decision.

Their conversations weren’t shallow. They worked through real tension but stayed aligned. In 1 Samuel 20:42, Jonathan says, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord.” There was unity, even under pressure, and that kind of alignment doesn’t happen by accident. 

These are simple ideas, but the power isn’t just in the covenants themselves. The power is in the agreement. It’s a team looking at each other and saying, “This is how we’re going to live,” not just when it’s easy but consistently. 

Commit as a Team 

Without that kind of relational commitment, small things start to build. A comment that didn’t sit right or a decision that didn’t make sense can linger longer than we think. Instead of addressing it, we move on, but it doesn’t go away. It stacks over time. 

Eventually, you stop seeing people clearly. You start seeing them through frustration, assumptions, and unresolved conversations, and that changes how you listen, how you respond, and how you lead. Trust erodes and distance grows, not because of one big moment, but because of a hundred small ones that never got addressed. 

But when a team commits relationally, things begin to shift. Conversations become more honest, not harsh but real. People say what they’re thinking and address issues earlier instead of letting them build. They take ownership of decisions, even the ones they didn’t initially agree with. 

Conflict doesn’t disappear, but it becomes productive. The goal is no longer to avoid tension but to handle it in a way that builds trust. And when trust grows, everything else starts to follow. 

This is where leadership really matters. Whether you realize it or not, you are setting the tone for how your team relates. If you avoid hard conversations, your team will too. If you don’t invite disagreement, your team will stay quiet. If you don’t model trust, your team won’t risk it. The team you have is often a reflection of the culture you allow. That’s not discouraging; it’s hopeful, because it means change is possible, and it starts with you. 

You don’t have to roll out a full system tomorrow. Start with a simple question: what is it like to be on this team…really? Then listen. Pay attention to what’s not being said and where things feel avoided. From there, begin defining something better, not just what your team does, but how your team relates. 

If you’ve ever sat in a meeting and thought something feels off, you’re probably right. At its core, it’s a relational issue. 

And until you build your team on relational covenants, not just responsibilities, you’ll keep trying to fix the wrong problem.