Article
Presence Over Perfection
Make your home your greatest ministry.
If you’ve been in ministry for more than five minutes, you know the pull: the endless list of “urgent” needs, the meetings, the counseling sessions, the events, the texts that always seem to come at bedtime.
And if you’re a church planting wife? That list grows teeth.
Church planting is exhilarating and exhausting. The need never ends. The opportunities never stop. The harvest is plentiful, yes—but so is the laundry. Somewhere between vision and vacuuming, our kids are growing up. And if we’re not careful, they’ll remember a ministry that had their parents’ attention … but not their presence.
Why Presence Matters More Than Perfection
Psalm 127:3 says, Children are “a heritage from the Lord,
offspring, a reward.”
We know this. But on the hard days, it’s easy to treat them like an interruption instead of the mission.
Being present isn’t about flawless family moments, Instagram-worthy matching outfits, choreographed game nights, or holiday cards with perfect smiles. It’s about the daily choice to see, hear, and engage with the children God’s given you—right in the middle of the mess.
Presence says:
- “You are safe with me.”
- “You matter more than my phone, my checklist, or my ‘urgent’ email.”
- “I’ll stop what I’m doing to really hear you.”
When we choose presence, we’re telling our kids the truth about God: that He sees them (Genesis 16:13), that He listens (1 John 5:14), and that His love isn’t dependent on performance (Romans 5:8).
Finding the Little Windows
The good news? Being present doesn’t require giant chunks of time; truly, it thrives in the margins.
- Car rides to practice – Turn down the music, put away your mental to-do list, and ask one thoughtful question: “What’s been your favorite part of today?” or “What’s been the hardest?”
- Bedtime moments – Lean in when that quiet “goodnight” turns into a five-minute heart spill. You might be tired, but these are gold.
- Errands together – Even a Target run can become a discipleship moment if you engage instead of being distracted.
I often ask:
- “What made you smile today?”
- “What was something that made you feel frustrated?”
- “How did you feel seen or heard by someone today?”
These simple questions crack open the door to deeper conversations. They remind our kids that their inner world matters to us—and to God.
Intentionality Over Hours
Some of us think we’re failing because we don’t have huge blocks of time with our kids. But presence isn’t measured in hours. It’s measured in intentionality.
Five minutes of full, undistracted attention beats five hours of distracted “togetherness.” When we lean in—eye contact, body turned toward them, phone down—we’re saying, “You have all of me in this moment.”
Colossians 3:23 reminds us, “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord …” I truly believe that includes the “little” conversations at the kitchen counter.
When Ministry Pulls You Away
The reality is that ministry will pull us away sometimes—that hospital visit, that member in crisis, that church event you can’t skip.
When that happens:
- Acknowledge the loss – “I wish I could be at your game tonight. I’m sad to miss it.”
- Plan connection – “When I get home, let’s go for ice cream and you can tell me all about it.”
- Guard recovery time – Protect the next window you do have together.
Your kids will learn ministry matters, but they’ll also see that they matter deeply. Both can be true.
The Gospel in Presence
When we talk about being “present” with our kids, we’re not just talking about a parenting strategy; we’re talking about Christlikeness.
The Gospels are full of moments when Jesus chose people over His own convenience, schedule, or rest. His ministry wasn’t just in the sermons or miracles—it was in the interruptions.
Jesus is the ultimate model of presence. He didn’t rush past the blind man on the road (Mark 10:46-52). He stopped for the woman at the well (John 4). He let children climb into His lap (Mark 10:13-16).
If the Savior of the world could stop for people, so can we.
Practical Ways to Build Presence Into Your Week
Here’s a simple “presence plan” for busy ministry couples:
- The Daily 10 – Give each child 10 minutes of undistracted attention every day. No phone, no multitasking.
- Question of the Day – At dinner or bedtime, ask one intentional question and listen without correcting or fixing. My personal favorite is what made you laugh today?
- Weekly One-on-One – Rotate through your kids for a simple outing—coffee, park walk, ice cream.
- Tech-Free Zones and Times – Make the dinner table, bedtime, and car rides tech-free for both adults and children.
- Pray Aloud Together – Not just for them but with them. Let them hear your prayers for their hearts, friends, and futures.
For the Mom Who Feels Like She’s Missed It
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I’ve been too distracted for too long.”
Friend, it’s not too late. Lamentations 3:22-23 says His mercies are new every morning. You can start fresh today, not because we finally got it together, but because Jesus already did. God’s grace for us parents isn’t merely: “Try harder to be present”—it’s “run to the One who is perfectly present, and let His grace meet and help you right where you are.”
You can start fresh today, right now. Set down your phone. Ask Jesus for strength. Turn toward your child.
Presence is built one moment at a time, and those moments, offered in dependence on Christ, will become the memories that help your children see not just you, but the God who loves them.
So, take a deep breath. Don’t chase perfection. Choose being present. And when you fall short, run back to Jesus, who never leaves, never gets distracted, and never stops loving.
Because the dishes can wait—but the heart in front of you can’t.
