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5 Areas to Preach Grace to Yourself
Church planting is beautiful, but it is also relentlessly demanding.
This year marks 10 years since we planted Chicago West Bible Church on the West Side of Chicago. Over the past decade, there have been many lessons learned, many things I’d do differently, and many ways that we’ve grown. But if there is one truth that I wish I could go back and speak over my wife Danielle and me in 2016, it would be this:
“Show yourself the same grace that you preach to others.”
Church planting is beautiful, but it is also relentlessly demanding. If you aren’t careful, you can drown in the constant voices of criticism and questioning spoken over you, not only by others, but by yourself. I want to encourage you today. Here are five areas where you need to both preach and receive the doctrine of grace for yourself.
Grace for Your Family
Most church-planting couples have a young family. Navigating the dynamics of a young family while planting a church can feel like plugging holes in a sinking ship. You keep pouring out your energy, yet the boat still feels like it’s taking on water.
For almost the entirety of the past 10 years of pastoring Chicago West Bible Church, I’ve often felt like a poor pastor. Having a wife and two young children at home, I always felt the need to put my family first. That meant I often couldn’t show up for others the way I wanted to.
I planted the church with Kent Steiner, a dear brother in the Lord who was more than 10 years older than me. As an empty nester, he could maneuver pastorally in ways that I simply couldn’t. He would often encourage me by saying, “Jon, you’re doing your best. Don’t take on yourself what the Lord isn’t putting on you.”
Those words often brought tears to my eyes because they reminded me of something I kept forgetting. Church planter, you’re doing your best. You have children and a family to shepherd too. Show yourself the same grace you preach to others, and don’t carry what the Lord is not asking you to carry.
Grace for Your Soul
Church planters are sheep as well and need a pastor too. You need Jesus to shepherd you too. Somewhere in the busyness of ministry, we can easily forget this. People follow us as we follow Christ, but before we are shepherds, we are Christ’s sheep. We are always being led by Jesus because we still need to be led by Jesus.
The seat you occupy often causes those you lead to place unrealistic expectations upon you. This doesn’t mean there isn’t a biblical standard to pursue. We are called to be examples to the flock of God. But we should also be examples in receiving grace.
You have fears, struggle to believe at times, and experience seasons of dryness just like other sheep. And there is grace that you need too. As you shepherd the flock among you, never forget that you are one of Christ’s sheep. You need His grace just as much as the people you lead.
Grace Under Criticism
Every leader will experience criticism. Some of it will be fair, and some of it won’t. Great leaders welcome feedback because it helps them identify problems and work toward solutions.
But some people don’t have a critical eye; they have a critical spirit. A critical eye is able to identify problems. A critical spirit only identifies problems. Most of the people you lead are grateful for you. They love you, pray for you, and are thankful to serve alongside you. Their helpful feedback is a grace to us.
Those who have a critical spirit and are abrasive toward you are often in the minority, yet their voices ring the loudest in your ears. Between those voices and the tendency to be hard on yourself, you can easily drift into a constant cycle of self-criticism.
My question for you is this: What does Jesus say about you?
As His servant, you can rest in His arms of grace even in the midst of doubt, criticism, and rejection.
Grace in Your Weakness
Whether leading a church or parenting children, we are going to get things wrong. One of the challenges of leadership is that we often don’t extend ourselves the same grace we readily give to others. We make poor decisions, lack experience at times, and fail those we lead. Our sermons aren’t always home runs. Sometimes we have an irritable spirit and could have handled situations better.
We also have areas where we simply aren’t as gifted. Some church planters are naturally unorganized (or too organized), aren’t the best preachers, are still growing as leaders, or may be conflict-averse. Our strengths and weaknesses will always be evident. We still have the flesh, and sin still crouches at the door.
In all of this, Christ has called us to walk in humility and dependence upon Him. There is grace for us. Jesus’ love does not feel like sandpaper, and he doesn’t keep reopening our wounds. He heals them, covers them with grace, and patiently grows us for our good.
If you feel weak today, receive the same grace that you faithfully preach to others.
Grace to Keep Going
At some point, ministry will feel unbearable, and you’ll want to quit. Like Jonah running from Nineveh, every church planter eventually has a Tarshish—a place that looks easier than obedience. Fruit is slow and often seems invisible. The field we serve can feel barren for far too long. Those we love and have faithfully served alongside may move on, yet we remain, called to sacrifice and stay.
Why does everyone else get to leave and move on? Why can others stay home from church when they’re exhausted? Why do I always have to be “on”? Why do we have to keep pushing through when others can simply walk away? Every church-planting couple knows these questions and many more.
There is grace for you. Grace for your tears, for your anger, your frustrations, and your bitterness. Grace when you feel like moving on. And grace when, after much prayer, you’ve discerned that it’s time to leave the church you’ve faithfully given your life to. There is grace from Christ that meets you and strengthens you to keep going.
No one fully understands the weight you carry, but he does. No matter where you find yourself today, if I could leave you with a word of encouragement, it would simply be this:
Preach to yourself the same grace you faithfully preach to others.
Show yourself the same grace you call others to receive.
And don’t carry burdens that the Lord isn’t asking you to carry.
